Sunday, November 22, 2009

Consequences Pyramid Update - How's it working?

I did a post not long ago about a disciplining technique called the Consequences Pyramid that we've been implementing in our home. We've been using it for about a month now and I thought I'd do a follow up post.

This has been the best thing for our family! The most important thing I've noticed happening is the bad behavior becomes his problem, not mine. He is no longer mad at me when I implement a consequence. He's gets mad at himself instead. He knows he screwed up. I'm very clear about what things will move him up a "code". When he's having a hard time with his attitude, I offer to pray for him to help him "turn it around". The results are amazing! He is seeing the power of the Holy Spirit in his life. He knows he can't "be good" on his own.
I'm getting my energy back! I'm no longer drained at the end of the day because I've been trying to think of fair consequences and struggling to being consistent. The Consequences Pyramid is helping me be consistent by taking the guess work out of being fair. I know it is fair and the best part is that Josiah knows its fair. It also keeps my husband and I on the same page because we know where Josiah is on the pyramid and what is next. We all know what to expect. That's the beauty of it! This is especially good for families where Dad is gone a lot. He can step back in the disciplining ring after a long absence and it isn't going to cause unnecessary friction. As a military wife, I know about this one!

While bad behavior still happens, it is few and far between. I rarely spank now. When we started this, I figured he would hit "Code Red" (bed after dinner) several times, but so far it has only happened once. Homeschooling is going so much faster, too. We rarely have a day where he even gets to Code Yellow (loss of all electronics for that day). He's catching himself more and more when he's behaving badly. Thanks to the Consequences Pyramid, he's motivated to change!

My sister, Stacie, is having similar results with her children. Because she is disciplining so many children at once, we decided to make magnets with all the kid's names on them to help keep track of who was on which code. We found some clear acrylic "stones" at the craft store. Using a clear drying glue, we glued their names to the back of the acrylic stones. Then we glued a magnet to the back. Now, if it is time to move up a code, the kids can do it themselves. We went ahead and made name magnets for all the kids, even the young ones, who will eventually be using this system.

If you are experiencing the same frustrations with repeated bad behavior and finding yourself drained of energy, I would encourage you to try this incredibly easy system. Tailor it to what "speaks" to your kids. I feel like this has been a gift from God and I want to tell everyone about it!

God Bless,

Update: I've changed my codes around a little. I decided to take "Break" off as a code and reserve it for when my child is unable to control himself emotionally (sometimes I'll use this in between codes). Instead our
Our Consequences Pyramid now looks like this:

Code Red: Immediately to Bed (only comes out for meals)
Code Orange: Bedtime 7:00pm
Code Yellow: 1 Hour Rest Time
Code Green: No Snack
Code Blue: No Electronics

You start at the bottom of the pyramid and work your way up. You can tailor these codes to be anything that "speaks" to your child. You could even have a different pyramid for each child if needed.
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RaD said...

The results sound awesome. Lately our kids' attitudes have been pretty good (watch, now just cuz' I said this things will change) but I'm going to keep this in mind for future reference. Thanks for sharing!

christy rose said...

Wow! That is excellent Jackie! What a Godsend! It is so true that if we do not leave the known consequences in front of our kids at all times, they will blame us for their problems instead of recognizing they caused the circumstances themselves. And it is definitely exhausting trying to outmaneuver them in their onslaught of manipulation daggers. A method like this takes the ammunition out of their hands and places responsibility where it belongs, ON THEM! :) Much easier on us!:)

La Familia Garcia said...

Just wondering how did you come up with a set of household rules to apply to this system?

Connie said...

Yes! Clearly defined discipline with rules and consequences always works. Good for you! Now you get to enjoy the rewards. said...

Oh, could I have used this when my kiddos were a bit younger.

It is great seeing you get such good results with it!

Stacie, A Firefighter's Wife said...

I need to do a follow up too. I am loving it and have had to use it a lot today. It is easy, I just need to be willing to follow through.

Cheesemakin' Mamma said...

La Familia Garcia,

I basically go off of Gregg Harris' 21 Rules of the House. My son gets a code whenever one of these rules are broken. We've been using these rules, but up until now our consequences haven't been consistent. My son could out maneuver me in a New York minute! No longer is he able to do this to me. Hope this answers your question.

God Bless,

The 21 Rules Of This House
by Gregg Harris

1. We obey God.
2. We love, honor and pray for one another.
3. We tell the truth.
4. We consider one another's interests ahead of our own.
5. We speak quietly and respectfully with one another.
6. We do not hurt one another with unkind words or deeds.
7. When someone needs correction, we correct him in love.
8. When someone is sorry, we forgive him.
9. When someone is sad, we comfort him.
10. When someone is happy, we rejoice with him.
11. When we have something nice to share, we share it.
12. When we have work to do, we do it without complaining.
13. We take good care of everything that God has given us.
14. We do not create unnecessary work for others.
15. When we open something, we close it.
16. When we take something out, we put it away.
17. When we turn something on, we turn it off.
18. When we make a mess, we clean it up.
19. When we do not know what to do, we ask.
20. When we go out, we act just as if we were in this house.
21. When we disobey or forget any of the 21 Rules of This House, we accept
the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

...they call me mommy... said...

This is SOOOOO neat, Jackie! Glad that it is working so well for you and Stacie! My main things is staying consistent with training. I love how you talked to your son about the Holy Spirit helping him etc...
I saw on your response to one of your comments the 21 House Rules...that is GREAT! Thanks!


Camille said...

What a blessing that you found this system Jackie! You must be so encouraged that you are regaining some of the lost energy. It's so powerful for our children to own their mistakes...this is how the Lord can deal with their HEARTS...after all, that's what we ultimately want...God ruling their hearts.

Have a wonderful week!

La Familia Garcia said...

Yes that helps, thanks! it looks like some of the rules are just as much for the parents as for the kids. that is really convicting too! Is it hard to differentiate the rules that are behavioral vs. the ones that are geared toward the heart? Behavior is pretty easy to tell when a rule is broken, but not necessarily the heart...

Cheesemakin' Mamma said...

La Familia Garcia,

You are so correct. Parenting geared towards the heart is tougher to distiguish, that is why I need to be in prayer for discernment. What I like about this system is that is teaching behavioral modification, yet also is going for my son's heart at the same time. The biggest change I've seen since using this system is in his attitude. It is so exciting to see him "turning it around" and choosing to have a good attitude towards the family again. Thanks for your great comments and questions! Hope to get to know you better.

God Bless,


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